| TARA REID headed to SEAN "P. DIDDY" COMBS's 35th birthday party last night anticipating fun and festivities, but what she got instead was an embarrassing red-carpet mishap. Tonight on "The INSIDER" Tara makes a plea to our PAT O'BRIEN to set things straight. Arriving in an elegant, satin CHRISTIAN DIOR gown, she politely posed for cameras, unaware that the loose-fitting dress created a wardrobe malfunction exposing her breasts. Once it was brought to her attention, she made a bee-line to the paparazzi asking them to protect her. According to sources, as soon as Tara got into the party, she burst into tears. Sources say she was mortified. However, that didn't stop her from enjoying the night. She stayed at the party until about 1am. She left by herself. In her only interview about the incident, the actress told Pat that she just wants people to leave her alone. She wondered why people are so mean to her and that she's fed up with it. I wasn’t going to write about Tara Reid’s left breast popping out when she took her jacket off at P. Diddy’s birthday bash (story, photos). I really wasn’t. I was simply going to put a gallery of all the photos up and change my site title so I could sodomize a few thousand hits out of Google. But then I realized, earlier this week I made a post explaining why I never talk about politics… only to make a post about politics two days later. I’m pretty sure, if there is a God, he let Tara Reid’s booby have some oxygen in an attempt to tell me to shut the fuck up and get back to analyzing pop culture and, more specifically, the breasts of celebrities. So here I go.Tara Reid's nipple exposure totally baffles me, and yet I completely understand it at the same time. Like all nipple slips, it was played off as an accident. But very, very rarely does a woman expose her breast without a good reason. To quote Seinfeld's Elaine Benes when she accidentally printed a photo of her exposed nipple on her Christmas card, "Oh God I didn't notice. Oh, what am I going to do? You know your whole life you go through painstaking efforts to hide your nipple and then BOOM, suddenly hundreds of people get their own personal shot of it." So, we're not looking at an accidental exposure here... that doesn't happen when you're going through "painstaking efforts" to hide something. I still can’t figure out if Tara Reid “gets it” or not, but this incident may reveal that she does. The consensus has always been that she’s a drunken idiot, completely oblivious to everything around her. But something inside me says she might be smarter than that. And I need to find out if I'm right. Let’s get to the bottom of this. Here are some things we know Tara Reid knows: Tara Reid is pretty. Tara Reid makes dollars because she’s pretty. Tara Reid’s dollars can be exchanged at varying rates for alcoholic beverages. Here are some things we think Tara Reid might know: Tara Reid’s friend Lindsay Lohan saw her career blossom after getting breast implants. Tara Reid’s friend Lindsay Lohan saw her popularity skyrocket even more after letting those implants fall out several times. Tara Reid used to be more popular than Lindsay Lohan, and now she most certainly is not. Here are some things we know Tara Reid doesn’t know: Tara Reid’s implants are quite possibly the worst in the history of Western Civilization. Tara Reid’s nipples have now stretched like a Ziploc bag containing a herd of cattle. Tara Reid’s breasts should never be exposed with the lights on. Tara Reid can no longer lean on sex-appeal to keep her career afloat. Using this information, I conclude... Tara Reid isn’t a stupid girl. She's got some brains that have yet to be humped out. She was taking notes when a less-popular friend used her rack to become a superstar. And this week, Tara executed what she thought would be a career-booster. To perfection. She just doesn’t have the assets to pull off such a move, and that's not smart business. Even the most uneducated fruit vendor will tell you: You’re not selling anything with bad melons on display. |